Feel strange and aimless. As if who I was—how my identity was constructed—no longer is. I feel out of pace with music. Antisocial. Caught in old trends of art, photography, representation. College feels limiting now. But, I don’t know where to go, what to do. I feel very uninterested. I want to take pictures, but of what? Where? I’m looking for inspiration and purpose and drive but only finding anxiety.
I need a project.
I miss my girlfriend. Her success makes me a bit jealous. She’ll conquer the stars, I think. I wish I felt that way right now—sometimes I do.
Arrogance is a better feeling than this.
I wonder who still reads this blog.
Hey what’s up tumblr. Being in love for the first time is weird.
This song is perfect.
I can just imagine a girl falling in love with me. She hangs on my every word, her eyes dazzle with the adventures I lead. There’s summer sand in every crook, and it burrows and starts to irritate. Slowly my ego begins to grate, my overambition and lack of triumph—but high, lordy talk—dig. In the final act, the love falls. She sends this song to me sarcastically, and the song singes with personified crumpled eyes, extended lips, overexpressed sarcastic tone. Wonderful.
[Trigger Warning: discussion of transphobia, cissexism, dysphoria. ]
This is not a heavily rationalized piece of writing, nor one that is meant to serve as an address on behalf of all trans people or people with trans histories. i am the one so heavily exoticized in the recent Free Press article,…
And I’m clearing all the stuff out of my room,
Trying desperately to figure out what it is that makes me blue.
And I wrote an epic letter to you,
But it’s 22 pages front and back and it’s too good to be used
And I tried to be a girl who likes to be used
I’m too good for that.
There’s a mind under this hat,
And I called them all and told them I’ve got to move.